


wasteland, baby (i'm in love with you)

by onthetypewriter



Series: prof!hozier [1]
Category: Andrew Hozier-Byrne (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Mentions of academia, Professor!Hozier, RPF - Real Person Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27937047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthetypewriter/pseuds/onthetypewriter
Summary: "Sorry for my tired appearance this morning, folks," Andrew greeted his class a week or so later, "My dog had the burning desire to go for a walk at an unspeakably early hour this morning, so please excuse the yawns and the constant reachings for my coffee mug." He held it up for emphasis and moved on, starting the lesson.-Burdened by online classes, the students of Professor Hozier-Byrne start noticing strange coincidences between him and one of their other lecturers, Professor Brown. Could it be possible that they are together?
Relationships: Andrew Hozier-Byrne/Original Female Character(s)
Series: prof!hozier [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109693
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	wasteland, baby (i'm in love with you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the product of a frantic note I made on my phone in the middle of the night after falling asleep to one of the poetry livestreams and also a gifset that jokingly referred to clips from said livestream looking like it was a zoom class with Professor Hozier-Byrne. And now, here we are. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and stay safe out there :) 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hozier. I do not know Hozier. I do not claim to own or know him - if you do, please do not share it, send it or read it to him. I would very much appreciate that. This also solely based on my experiences with university and the like two alright lecturers I had, so let's all just convince ourselves we live in a world where all uni employees are wonderful, empathetic, understanding people.

Professor Hozier-Byrne’s students knew him to be quite shy. He was always soft-spoken, and yet so incredibly enthusiastic about his work. The undergraduates had their English Literature modules with him and he had accumulated quite a fanbase. His gentle nature and awe-inspiring curly hair set off a number of discussions between his students, all completely infatuated but wise enough to acknowledge boundaries. No one dared overstep - they respected and adored him too much. 

It goes without saying that they were completely heartbroken when classes went online and they could no longer experience Professor Hozier-Byrne’s calming aura in person, limited only to the small window he appeared in on their laptop screens.

“Sorry, guys, you’ll have to excuse me, I’m not yet quite used to teaching to a laptop. It’s a lot easier to convey information when you can see the faces, but bare with me, I’m trying!”

Again, they were enraptured. The professor’s house looked quite lovely from what they could see in the background, large windows looking out upon some greenery - although the class did have an inside joke about how he lived in a bog and that the sun awoke him at dawn so that he had enough time to hobble to class. But there was a strict code of conduct that he was never to find out about this joke and he was almost certainly never to know that the class Whatsapp group was titled “Bogman Babes” accompanied with an array of hearts. 

“Okay, I’m just gonna end today’s class here, because I know none of our brains are awake enough for this right now. Thank you for your patience as I adapt to these new circumstances and I remind you that my email inbox is open for any queries, worries or pictures of dogs you might have. I will see you...tomorrow afternoon? If I’m remembering the timetable correctly. Until then, goodbye!”

With a wave of “Goodbye, Professor!”’s, Andrew ended the Zoom call and shut his laptop with a huff. Sam, seated at the other side of the dining table answering emails, looked up. “You alright?” She asked, the huff from her partner immediately painting her face with concern. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” He sighed, “I just hate _this_ , y’know-” He gestured to his laptop, “I miss the human connection.” Andrew and Sam have both been limited to online classes for the rest of the academic year, as a safety precaution as to the pandemic everyone was currently experiencing. Sam could empathise with his frustration, she herself longed for the class discussions and office visits they had in The Before Times, but they both knew what their responsibilities were with regards to public health and were more than happy to socially isolate and work from home. 

“Do you think they miss us as much as we miss them?” Sam quipped, trying to crack a smile on her partner’s face. Andrew chuckled, “I sure hope so, otherwise we would be quite sad, wouldn’t we?” His smile grew and he shot Sam a grateful look, a thank you for lifting his spirits. Andrew pushed his chair back and got up, “I’m off to put the kettle on, you want anything?”

“Oh God, yes. Tea for me, too, please.”

“When’s your next class? I don’t wanna disturb…”

“Not for another hour, you’re safe.”

Her students knew her as Professor Brown, the sociolinguistics lecturer, whose cuffed jeans and affinity for flannels were the source of great debates. Professor Brown taught with enthusiasm and her classes were always safe spaces for discussions about the ideology behind language as well as once and for all, who the best celebrity Chris was. Pine, obviously.

Students held a particular fondness for her as she was always very accommodating with regards to their workload and had an open door policy for her office. She spoke of her dog Seamus often and even brought him to class once, as a pre-exam de-stresser. "Alright, gang, I've got my tea," She held it up to the camera, "Let's get started! So we left off last week talking about the loadedness of a term such as 'standard variant'..."

Professor Brown's students welcomed the familiar sight of her thick-rimmed glasses and caring voice. They were very much caught off-guard by her hair not being in its usual up-do, but that could simply be as a result of working from home - no reason to dress up, really. She looked even prettier with her auburn hair framing her face.

"Oh my God, no, wait - before I get going. I have to show off my mug properly." Their mics were muted, but Sam could see her students giggling. She could also hear Andrew's amused exhale from the other side of the table.

She rotated it so that the picture was visible. "Look, it has a little Seamus on it!" The illustrated dog on the mug bore a striking resemblance to her own, "I'll see if I can call him over at the end of the lesson. As a reward for those of you who stick it out until the end. Okay, sorry, that was the last interruption, back to work!"

There had long been unsubstantiated whisperings about Professor Hozier-Byrne and Professor Brown's significant others, each respectively - never in the same breath.

Everyone had come to the conclusion that life was fundamentally unfair and that there was no way in hell Professor Hozier-Byrne didn't have a partner, but that was exclusively based on their assumptions that such a lovely human being couldn't possibly be single. He was a very private lecturer though, hardly ever indulging in personal stories when discussing work so the students did not have much evidence to back up their claims.

Professor Brown, on the other hand, did not appear as private - and yet, all they knew of her personal life is what she has told them about Seamus and the fact that she sometimes in her stories refers to her partner talking him for walks. All of this was obviously none of their business, but could one blame them for being curious? 

"Do you think my office plant is dead by now?"

Sam was exhausted after a never-ending day and Andrew's lap looked like an amazing pillow. He had since moved from the dining room table to the couch in the living room, his feet resting on the ottoman, frantically typing his correspondence with his editor. Sam wedged her head between the laptop and Andrew's torso, his elbow knocking awkwardly against her face, but she didn't mind. She just needed him close.

"Oh, definitely. That thing was so finicky, it probably gave up after not being water at exactly 11 am everyday," Andrew answered, not even looking away from his screen. He was holding his left arm at an awkward angle, as to accommodate Sam's presence.

"How are the apocalyptic musings going? Are there at least some pretty ones about me?" Sam teased, referring to Andrew's latest collection of poetry, hence his correspondence with his editor. It was on the verge of being sent off to the printers and Andrew wanted to do last minute checks to make sure everything is perfect.

"You know you make the pretty ones just flow out of me," He teased back, grinning mischievously. Sam rolled her eyes in faux exasperation and turned so that she could see the laptop screen. Andrew had yet to have her read it and she was burning to - not only in support of her partner, but his writing was just that good. 

"Ah-ah, no, I know what you're trying to do," Andrew lifted his laptop up out of Sam's eyesight, "No sneak peeks!"

  
  


"Sorry for my tired appearance this morning, folks," Andrew greeted his class a week or so later, "My dog had the burning desire to go for a walk at an unspeakably early hour this morning, so please excuse the yawns and the constant reachings for my coffee mug." He held it up for emphasis and moved on, starting the lesson.

No-one immediately caught on. It was only after the third sip that a brave soul private messaged her friend, asking if that cup looked familiar. It had a cute illustration of a dog on it and a blue line painted around the rim, but it was difficult to place why it looked so familiar.

Was it-? _No_ , it couldn't be. It was far too close to simply being a coincidence. 

The absurd theory that Professor Hozier-Byrne and Professor Brown were together didn't rally much support among the students. They haven't been spotted in the same room together, much less even given the indication that they know each other. The theory suffered a swift death and only added to the frustrating curiosity.

A breakthrough didn't come for another few weeks, when after a search for essay sources, someone discovered that Professor Hozier-Byrne's doctoral thesis was about the poetry of Seamus Heaney. _Hmm_. Another fascinating coincidence. Was Professor Brown's dog named after a Irish poet, who she perhaps also admired? Or even better, was Professor Brown's dog named by Professor Hozier-Byrne?

Many a text message was exchanged - some crying insanity, others intrigued. This could be a vital clue. The Brown-Hozier-Byrne theory held some weight after all.

Andrew held the first printed copy of his newest poetry collection in his hands. The courier had taken forever and he was burning to show it to Sam. _Wasteland Baby,_ the title read, cursive handwriting over a murky blue-green gradient.

The collection started as an endeavour into the human condition's response to the apocalypse, but Sam always had a way of cropping up in his writing. Her love is sunlight and his poetry was the way he declared it to the world.

He was so proud of this body of work, smiling to himself. He eagerly turned the pages, looking for the dedication. 

_To Samantha, my wasteland baby._

"Okay, so we know the Romantics were focused on - Ehm...Sorry, class, I'll be right back, don't know what he is so excited about," Professor Hozier-Byrne's dog had been barking on and off throughout the lecture, but this time it seemed like he was not stopping anytime soon. As the professor stood up from his chair, the whole class subconsciously leaned in and turned their volumes to max.

"Seamus, buddy, c'mon, what's the matter?" They heard faintly, followed by barking, this time much more excited. "No walks right now, bud. Now we have class…" Again barks. 

Every person in the Zoom call's eyes were huge. _HIS DOG'S NAME IS SEAMUS!!!_ Some girl sent to the class group, followed by that one Always Sunny in Philadelphia gif. _Someone ask if we can see his dog_ , someone replied, knowing they need to settle this hunch once and for all.

Everyone waited with baited breath for the professor to return to his seat. "Again, my apologies, I don't know what has gotten into him today…" Andrew nervously tucked his hair behind his ears. He was not used to interruptions like this.

"Uhm, sorry, Professor?" It was Lydia, one of the shyer kids in the class who spoke up.

Andrew smiled brightly, always excited by participation. "Yes, Lydia, do you have a question?" 

"Sorry if this is a bit nosy, but may we see your dog?" 

The question caught Andrew very off-guard. "Oh...ehm, certainly. Only if it wouldn't be too much of a distraction, we still have work to get through…" He studied the little boxes on his screen, full of eager faces who were now nodding enthusiastically.

"Seamus!" Andrew called, knowing his dog would love to meet some new friends. He had been cooped up with only Andrew and Sam for company so some new voices would be very welcome. "C'mon, buddy, there's some friends who would like to meet you!" 

The sound of paws excitedly hitting the wooden floor grew closer and soon Seamus was jumping up to get into Andrew's lap. With a huff, Andrew could lift him into his lap, ensuring that the laptop camera could see him. Andrew was a bit unsure on how to proceed, he usually kept a strict separation between academics and personal matters, but these were unusual times and he knew his students were struggling mentally. If showing off his good boy could help them in any way, he was happy to help.

"This old lad's name is Seamus," Andrew introduced, indulging the dog in some head scratches while the class looked on. Smiles radiated from all the small windows on his screen and Andrew certainly couldn't hide his own. "Look, over here, the friends are over here!" Andrew pointed at his laptop screen, trying to divert Seamus' attention. He sniffed at the screen, his nose booping the camera and Andrew could see a student clapping with delight.

After a few more sniffs, Seamus leaped from Andrew's lap, seemingly over meeting the new friends. He zoomed around the corner into the hallway, probably off to go annoy Sam who was having a lay-in. Andrew let out a hearty laugh and turned his attention back to the class. "Ehm...so where were we?"

 **_PSA FOR THOSE WHO WERE TOO ASLEEP TO ATTEND THE 8AM:_ ** _We have confirmation that Professors Brown and Hozier-Byrne do indeed have shared ownership over Seamus!! Are they quarantining together?? Are they_ **_together_ ** _together?? Did the English department have such a cute couple in it this entire time and nobody thought to inform us???_

"Andy, I'm dying," Sam had taken to laying in the middle of the living room, on the floor. The fireplace was heating up the room and the lamp provided a warm glow, but her laptop was open on the coffee table, showing yet another essay she had to mark. 

"Were you not the one who assigned the essay?" Andrew teased, knowing that is the last thing a lecturer caught in marking madness wanted to hear. Sam immediately sat bolt upright, "Don't." 

Andrew erupted in laughs. "I know you are a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I might have something to lift your spirits…" He walked over to the bookshelf, where he had been hiding _Wasteland Baby_ since it arrived.

"Hard liquor?" Sam guessed, sounding a bit too excited at the prospect of getting drunk. "No," Andrew chuckled, finding the thin blue-green spine on the shelf and sliding it out. Sam immediately caught on and jumped up. "It's here? It's done? I can read it?" Her hands curled excitedly around the material of Andrew's jumper sleeves, almost as if she was too afraid to touch it just yet. 

Andrew presented the cover to her, receiving a hushed "Oh, it's gorgeous" in return. Sam took a minute to take it in, "I forgot how pretty your name looks on a cover." This comment left Andrew flustered and he could feel the warm glow in his cheeks. He handed the book over to her, "I'm leaving this with you, to read through in your own time. Just come back to me when you're done. You know I wouldn't send this thing out into the world without your approval." 

And she did. A few days later, Sam came to hug Andrew from behind while he was in the kitchen making lunch. Her head rested on his back, her arms wound tightly around his middle. "I love you," She said, simply.

"I love you, too," He replied, the easiest words his mouth had ever formed. 

"Subjectively," Sam began, still not moving from Andrew's back, "My favourites are Sunlight, Shrike, and Wasteland Baby. _Objectively_ , my favourites are Nina Cried Power, Be and uhmmm...Oh my God, no wait," She interrupted herself, "I forgot about Dinner & Diatribes so scratch that ranking completely! Lemme start over..." 

Andrew quietly continued cutting tomatoes, listening to the love of his life ramble on about a body of work he was immensely proud of. A subtle smile formed on his face, knowing that in this moment he was perfectly content with his life. 

The class group chat now had all but official confirmation that Professors Brown and Hozier-Byrne were at the very least living together, but after the Seamus saga, evidence started drying up. Weeks passed with no new insight into the university's ultimate power couple and people were starting to get desperate. Luckily before attempts at direct contact were made (see: the night that one room in the girls' dorm got drunk and thought emailing Professor Brown directly was a good idea before the group chat had to talk them out of it), the universe supplied a glimmer of hope.

Professor Brown had posted an announcement to the uni website.

**_For all those interested in supporting the English department,_ **

_One of my colleagues, some of you might know him as Professor Hozier-Byrne, published his latest poetry collection this week. It is incredible, if I do say so myself, and I think you all might benefit from a read. If you have the means to do so, consider treating yourself with a copy. If you prefer book shopping in person, please do so safely and wear your masks! :)_

_If you'd like, you can email him your thoughts, I'm sure he would love to hear from you._

_As always, keep safe, do your reading, and I'll see you all in class!_

_Prof Brown_

It was only a few minutes after it had been published that the first messages started pouring into the groupchat.

_""One of my colleagues"" HAH they think they're slick_

_supportive partners we love to see it!!_

However, the real bombshell dropped a few days later. Lydia had obviously made the time to go out and visit her local bookstore, as she sent nothing but a picture of the dedication page to the groupchat. No caption, just the photo for everyone to behold.

**_To Samantha, my wasteland baby._ **

  
  


"The weirdest thing happened in class today…" Andrew entered the kitchen, still reeling from the day's events. "Yeah?" Sam responded, busy checking to see how cooked the pasta was. 

"Like the participation levels have been through the roof this week, people asking questions - They even asked about _Wasteland_ , which I didn't even know they knew about…" Sam abruptly stopped stirring and turned to Andrew. "Really?" She faked naivete, "Maybe they're just trying to get out of doing work…" 

"Maybe, yeah. It's funny, though. They seemed to be the most interested in the more personal poems, don't know why they would want to know about a boring oaf like me…"

Sam grinned, "Trust me, if I had a lecturer who looked like you, I would also wanna know what his situation is." Andrew had already turned a deep red, hiding his face in his hands, "Oh my God, no, stop!" 

"It's true! Undergraduate Sam would've been absolutely in love with you, stalking the internet trying to find out if there is a wife she needed to get rid of!"

Laughter rang through the kitchen and in an attempt to stop the teasing, Andrew grabbed Sam by the middle, causing her body to fold around his arms and joyous squeals to erupt from her mouth. After putting her down, Sam came in for a hug and Andrew rested his head on her's - one of his favourite benefits of their height difference.

"Also," Andrew started, "To my knowledge, Undergraduate Sam _was_ absolutely in love with me." 

"And don't you forget it!" Sam laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips and escaping his arms to get back to preparing dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to see me be a simp for hozier on main, you can find me on tumblr at icanttakethemonmyown, or otherwise you can just say hi. I have a "prof vibes" tag if academic andrew is something you find intriguing as well.


End file.
